Coupled With D&S

Real, nonjudgmental advice about dating, sex, love, and life from a thirty-something couple that has seen it all over thirteen years.

Trust us. We live in Brooklyn. (Joking. Kind of.)

Tag: cheating

All About Eva: The “Other” Man Wants More from his Childhood Crush

I’ve had a crush on Eva since we met in junior high. That was 1982, and we’re now in our mid-forties. We attended high school together and stayed in touch periodically in college. Then a long period of time passed until we reconnected through Facebook. We were each married to other people with families of our own.

Shortly after reconnecting online, a mutual friend flew both Eva and me out to his city for his 40th birthday. This was the first time we’d seen each other in person for 15 years! On the last night of this week-long trip, I entered her bedroom and sat next to her and flirted and massaged her, and sparks began to fly. We didn’t do anything sexual then, but we continued to see each other once we’d returned to our normal lives, and soon enough we were having an affair.

As the affair and our feelings for each other deepened, my marriage was slipping away. On four separate occasions, Eva and I “broke up, ” but each time, we would come right back. I divorced, moved out, settling parenting responsibilities with my ex-wife, and finally accepted that I’d fallen in love with Eva. We’ve been together now going on five years. We tell each other that we love each other. It’s very passionate, caring and understanding. She is my true love, the love of my life.

But herein lies the dilemma: Eva remains married to her spouse. I give her all of things that are lacking in her lifeless marriage. Her husband discovered our affair and still will not divorce her.

I have a feeling that there will come a day that the urgency inside of me will rise. But I know that this is not my decision to make. It is entirely up to her what she wants to do. Do I just let it go on, or should I demand all of Eva now?

In Love … Except for in Bed: Cheating and Sexual Incompatibility

A 46 year-old male writes about being in a relationship for almost 10 years with a women who is just “not into sex.” He, on the other hand, likes his sex … a lot. He likes it frequent, kinky, varied, and with different partners. For most of the relationship, he has been getting his needs met elsewhere. Meanwhile, his partner has placed lots of restrictions about where, when, and how they have sex together, and she has not been positive about the idea of an open relationship. He says they are deeply in love, and he feels like shit for cheating. What are his options now?

Monsieur Bovary: A Twice Cheated-on Husband Asks, ‘What Next?’

A 38 year-old male Manhattanite “found out my wife cheated on me with at least two different guys. She didn’t want to talk to me about it, and it drove me nuts. I got angry and for months was verbally angry with her. She had enough and told me she didn’t want me anymore because of my anger. We have two kids, and now I am hanging on to my family with everything I have.”