A woman in her 20s from the Bay Area asks, “Have you ever seen people successfully use upcoming OKCupid dates as a negotiating tactic to get someone in real life to date them? I know it sounds like a terrible idea, but maybe if done right it could move someone from the friend zone into the dating zone on a semi-subconscious level by sparking their interest and making them realize it’s a now or never type opportunity?”
A divorced straight woman in her early 40s wrote, “I love my ex husband, and I’m so sad that we didn’t work out. I would get back together with him now, but he says he’s done. I’m still confused as to why that didn’t work out. We both love each other so much. I have been dating a lot for two years now, and I have yet to find a guy that I really connect with. I wonder if I’m doomed to be single my whole life now that I’ve lost my ex husband. Do you have any advice to give me other than ‘soldier on and I’ll eventually meet someone’?” We do, of course, have some advice, and the writer included a link to her OKCupid profile, which figures into our response.
There are a lot of exciting and unexpected things about this whole project. To be sure, we didn’t anticipate the volume of questions we’d get. It quickly became clear that there was way more demand for advice from both male and female perspectives than we, with our full-time careers and other interests, could ever fulfill. As an experiment, we put…
“I disclose my HSV2 (genital herpes) status in my dating profile. I was getting many messages before putting the HSV2 on there, and I’m still getting many messages, only now at least I have a sense of freedom and honesty. I hope it will help me filter the boys from the men, though I’m not entirely sure it’s helping. Do you think it is wise to be as honest as I am?”
Our first message from this fellow was a sarcastic, “What would your advice be for me, being 40, bald, a minority, and despite being ‘a great guy,’ having trouble finding someone I genuinely connect with?” Were we talking to Montel Williams? The angry ghost of Gandhi? He then wrote back a story of a date that led to the dreaded “let’s be friends.” Now he feels a connection and isn’t sure whether he should stick with the great, albeit new, friendship or push for something more.
A 35 year-old straight man in New York City writes, “I am very troubled by a terrible realization: I am sexually attracted to immature, naive women who do not qualify for a real girlfriend.” He left a long-term girlfriend for a hot, younger woman whom he couldn’t respect, and now he’s dating another woman whom he likes but doesn’t find sexually appealing. “Following the old French adage, it seems as if my brain is split between La maman et la putain (the mother and the whore). I want to fall in love with a smart woman who cares for me, but those same qualities seem to be a turn off. I am caught between hot women I want to fuck and the well-rounded and caring women who fail to arouse my desire.”