Coupled With D&S

Real, nonjudgmental advice about dating, sex, love, and life from a thirty-something couple that has seen it all over thirteen years.

Trust us. We live in Brooklyn. (Joking. Kind of.)

Tag: dating

Date Me or Else: Friend Zone to Dating Zone Negotitations

A woman in her 20s from the Bay Area asks, “Have you ever seen people successfully use upcoming OKCupid dates as a negotiating tactic to get someone in real life to date them? I know it sounds like a terrible idea, but maybe if done right it could move someone from the friend zone into the dating zone on a semi-subconscious level by sparking their interest and making them realize it’s a now or never type opportunity?”

Divorced and Doomed?: “I’m Afraid I’m Never Going to Find Anyone Else”

A divorced straight woman in her early 40s wrote, “I love my ex husband, and I’m so sad that we didn’t work out. I would get back together with him now, but he says he’s done. I’m still confused as to why that didn’t work out. We both love each other so much. I have been dating a lot for two years now, and I have yet to find a guy that I really connect with. I wonder if I’m doomed to be single my whole life now that I’ve lost my ex husband. Do you have any advice to give me other than ‘soldier on and I’ll eventually meet someone’?” We do, of course, have some advice, and the writer included a link to her OKCupid profile, which figures into our response.

We’ve Got Clients

There are a lot of exciting and unexpected things about this whole project. To be sure, we didn’t anticipate the volume of questions we’d get. It quickly became clear that there was way more demand for advice from both male and female perspectives than we, with our full-time careers and other interests, could ever fulfill. As an experiment, we put…

To Disclose or Not to Disclose? Genital Herpes and the Dating Profile

“I disclose my HSV2 (genital herpes) status in my dating profile. I was getting many messages before putting the HSV2 on there, and I’m still getting many messages, only now at least I have a sense of freedom and honesty. I hope it will help me filter the boys from the men, though I’m not entirely sure it’s helping. Do you think it is wise to be as honest as I am?”

The Follow Up: Trouble Negotiating that Second Date

I have no problems getting the first date, but I seem to be striking out lately when it comes to getting the second date. Usually if I feel like the first date went well, I’ll ask if they’d like to get together again. They usually say yes when I ask them in person, but I often find that not to be true and we don’t end up meeting again. It varies how I follow up. Sometimes I’ll call, sometimes I’ll text. Which do you think most women prefer? It’s usually midweek the following week when I’ll contact them to see if they want to go out again. Is that too soon? I don’t think wanting to see someone the following week is too soon, but maybe I’m wrong. Lastly, I’ve been going by a hard rule that if they don’t get in touch with me after the first time I contact them, then I don’t bother. Is persistence the key here? I don’t want to come off as desperate or clingy when trying to get that second date. There’s gotta be some kind of fine line to walk there, right?”

Montel, That You? 40, Frustrated, Bald, Minority, and Crushing on New Friend

Our first message from this fellow was a sarcastic, “What would your advice be for me, being 40, bald, a minority, and despite being ‘a great guy,’ having trouble finding someone I genuinely connect with?” Were we talking to Montel Williams? The angry ghost of Gandhi? He then wrote back a story of a date that led to the dreaded “let’s be friends.” Now he feels a connection and isn’t sure whether he should stick with the great, albeit new, friendship or push for something more.

The Mother and the Whore

A 35 year-old straight man in New York City writes, “I am very troubled by a terrible realization: I am sexually attracted to immature, naive women who do not qualify for a real girlfriend.” He left a long-term girlfriend for a hot, younger woman whom he couldn’t respect, and now he’s dating another woman whom he likes but doesn’t find sexually appealing. “Following the old French adage, it seems as if my brain is split between La maman et la putain (the mother and the whore). I want to fall in love with a smart woman who cares for me, but those same qualities seem to be a turn off. I am caught between hot women I want to fuck and the well-rounded and caring women who fail to arouse my desire.”