Coupled With D&S

Real, nonjudgmental advice about dating, sex, love, and life from a thirty-something couple that has seen it all over thirteen years.

Trust us. We live in Brooklyn. (Joking. Kind of.)

Tag: divorced

All About Eva: The “Other” Man Wants More from his Childhood Crush

I’ve had a crush on Eva since we met in junior high. That was 1982, and we’re now in our mid-forties. We attended high school together and stayed in touch periodically in college. Then a long period of time passed until we reconnected through Facebook. We were each married to other people with families of our own.

Shortly after reconnecting online, a mutual friend flew both Eva and me out to his city for his 40th birthday. This was the first time we’d seen each other in person for 15 years! On the last night of this week-long trip, I entered her bedroom and sat next to her and flirted and massaged her, and sparks began to fly. We didn’t do anything sexual then, but we continued to see each other once we’d returned to our normal lives, and soon enough we were having an affair.

As the affair and our feelings for each other deepened, my marriage was slipping away. On four separate occasions, Eva and I “broke up, ” but each time, we would come right back. I divorced, moved out, settling parenting responsibilities with my ex-wife, and finally accepted that I’d fallen in love with Eva. We’ve been together now going on five years. We tell each other that we love each other. It’s very passionate, caring and understanding. She is my true love, the love of my life.

But herein lies the dilemma: Eva remains married to her spouse. I give her all of things that are lacking in her lifeless marriage. Her husband discovered our affair and still will not divorce her.

I have a feeling that there will come a day that the urgency inside of me will rise. But I know that this is not my decision to make. It is entirely up to her what she wants to do. Do I just let it go on, or should I demand all of Eva now?

Divorced and Doomed?: “I’m Afraid I’m Never Going to Find Anyone Else”

A divorced straight woman in her early 40s wrote, “I love my ex husband, and I’m so sad that we didn’t work out. I would get back together with him now, but he says he’s done. I’m still confused as to why that didn’t work out. We both love each other so much. I have been dating a lot for two years now, and I have yet to find a guy that I really connect with. I wonder if I’m doomed to be single my whole life now that I’ve lost my ex husband. Do you have any advice to give me other than ‘soldier on and I’ll eventually meet someone’?” We do, of course, have some advice, and the writer included a link to her OKCupid profile, which figures into our response.

(Not the) Last Tango in Paris

A 41 year-old divorced woman who does not, to our knowledge, tango or live in Paris writes, “I identify as a sex-positive, joyful and mature person who was married for a long time and has recently re-entered the dating scene. I had a hot tryst while on a work trip abroad that unlocked some unknown erotic treasure trove in me. There was nothing this guy could do wrong, and it kind of made me into a desiring machine. Tried as I did to forget and replace this lover, nothing came close to that voltage generated by us. There is no long term potential with that man (we both have kids from previous relationships who we are committed to loving and prioritizing), but the dialog continues at a leisurely pace. Should I just cut this off, stop obsessing about him to clear space for new partners to come into my life, or continue to patiently nourish a situation I felt was so unique and precious? Is there such a thing as an ideal pheromone match?”