Coupled With D&S

Real, nonjudgmental advice about dating, sex, love, and life from a thirty-something couple that has seen it all over thirteen years.

Trust us. We live in Brooklyn. (Joking. Kind of.)

Tag: FWB

Friend Without Benefits (FWOB): A Married Woman and the Lover She Hasn’t Quite Taken Yet

A married woman in an open relationship struggles with how to handle the most important man in her life who isn’t her husband: he’s her coworker, best friend, and her husband’s friend. They started hanging out and making out two years before when he was in an abusive relationship, but they never had sex at his insistence. Even though he has since broken up with his girlfriend, they make out but haven’t had sex. They’ve both declared their love for each other, but it causes her pain when he makes out with her but refuses to consummate the relationship. Even worse, he blames her for the situation when he pulls away, only to resume flirting and wooing her. Her friends say that he is either “playing me, really messed up from his bad relationship, or just a drunk. I would love your take on a) his inconsistent behavior and b) whether I should try to have a calm conversation with him about our friendship, or just go with the flow.”

I Try to Act Cold and Detached: Developing Feelings for a Hookup

A woman in her early twenties from the New York suburbs wrote in the heat of the moment that, “I was about to text this guy that I have been having casual sex with for the last three months, several times a week, and tell him I need to stop. We met online. He is 10 years older than I am, and I think I may be developing feelings for him, although I try and act cold and detached. I have a lot of other specifics, but I don’t want to bombard you. It was just super weird that I came across you just now.”

Disappearing Drummer Disorder: An FWB Goes AWOL

“I was in a FWB situation for almost 8 months with this guy. We never went on real dates and mostly met at his drum studio or apartment, talked, and had sex. For me anyway, it was a rare intellectual connection combined with great chemistry. Sex was great, conversations were great, and time passed so quickly with hi. He was not OK with the polyamorous thing and didn’t want to get emotionally involved but was OK with having sex since it was out in the open. I was OK with simply enjoying the times we had together. So, that was working well until one day he just dropped out in the middle of rescheduling one of our meetups because the schedule that day didn’t work out. Like all of a sudden, gone. To this day I’m just still extremely puzzled by this. I’ve moved on and I’m not mad or anything, but just deeply curious. Like, what the hell happened?”