A 30ish Manhattanite wrote to us with a conundrum typical of non-monogamous relationships—in fact, we have several versions of this same question in our inbox. “My boyfriend and I have been together a few years. We love and are committed to each other, but we also want to sleep with other people. We decided to try having an open relationship, and we created OKCupid accounts. The thing is, I’ve found it ridiculously easy to meet men, and he’s having no luck at all. He’s had a few dates, but they’ve just been awful. Meanwhile, I’ve got more than I can handle. It’s created a lot of tension, and I’m putting a hold on my own adventures for now, even though I don’t want to. What can we do for him?
A married woman in an open relationship struggles with how to handle the most important man in her life who isn’t her husband: he’s her coworker, best friend, and her husband’s friend. They started hanging out and making out two years before when he was in an abusive relationship, but they never had sex at his insistence. Even though he has since broken up with his girlfriend, they make out but haven’t had sex. They’ve both declared their love for each other, but it causes her pain when he makes out with her but refuses to consummate the relationship. Even worse, he blames her for the situation when he pulls away, only to resume flirting and wooing her. Her friends say that he is either “playing me, really messed up from his bad relationship, or just a drunk. I would love your take on a) his inconsistent behavior and b) whether I should try to have a calm conversation with him about our friendship, or just go with the flow.”
“Maybe you can give me some tips on how to find a girl to join my boyfriend and me.” So says a Brooklyn woman in a three-and-a-half year relationship that she describes as open. Maybe we know voodoo and spells too. That’s not sarcastic; we just might. Regardless, the hunt for the elusive unicorn is on. In case you don’t know, the unicorn is that rare, magical bisexual woman who will jump into bed with with a couple and help them fulfill their fantasies.